So I'm manic right now and it feels like I'm a completely different person. I have bipolar disorder so that makes the intensity of the depression even more so like you realize just how depressed so many people are but they don't want to admit it? Anyway just wanted to document these words right now … Continue reading Manic manifesto
I haven't worked since May 2016. It is not the first time in my adult history that I have been so disabled for so long. When I was fired for absenteeism from my first job in 2008, I wasn't able to stabilize (and get lucky again) until 2011. From May 2011 to January 2015, I … Continue reading The limitations of Bipolar Disorder
You are not alone dealing with a mental illness, and your feelings, mood states, and physical manifestations are valid.
I’m living with a mental illness, and sometimes that can cause people to verbally tiptoe around me, especially the people closest to me. It’s like my friends and loved ones are stuck walking on eggshells sometimes, and I want that to stop.
I recently published a blog titled “10 ‘Harmless Things’ You Say That Hurt Me”. In that post I described what living with Bipolar Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder can be like, and I shared some extremely hurtful things people have said to me. In that post I asked for kindness, awareness, and acceptance, which I received. But then I realized something really important: in that post I shared things I didn’t want people to say, but I failed to offer advice on what to say. So, I’m doing that now.
So, I guess you could call this the follow-up. In this post I’ll be sharing 10 reassuring…
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I’m letting my heart spill out through my keyboard… metaphorically, of course, and I’m offering it all to you. Today, I’m going to talk about my mental health. This is something that I’ve worked to conceal for a long time, mostly because of the negative stigma attached to mental illness. I’m sharing for two main reasons; (1) to educate people, and (2) to show people like me that they are not alone.
For the record: I’m living with Bipolar Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder… In this post I’m sharing 10 “harmless things” that people have said to me that actually cause me a great deal of pain. I’m also sharing how they make me feel, and why, while giving you an inside look at my life.
So, these are the things I wish you wouldn’t say to me;
“You don’t look like you have a mental illness.”
More commonly stated as…
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I vow to never take another SSRI, no matter what! I will handle my chronic pain and depression/ anxiety in other ways. In my opinion, Cymbalta, and the withdrawal, is worse than the disease for which I took it.
I have a chronic pain condition. It came out of nowhere. I didn’t even know the condition existed. Similar to fibromyalgia, it is specific to certain parts of the body instead of widespread. I was prescribed Cymbalta by a doctor at a prestigious Pain Management Clinic. Cymbalta worked immediately. I was happy to resume a normal life, pain-free.
A few months later I began to feel dizzy. Then weak. There was a constant low-grade headache. (We won’t even talk about constipation.) I ignored the malaise until one day when I nearly ended up in the hospital. I had been working hard, exerting myself, something I don’t usually do. I thought…
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It is quarter of 5 AM as I write this, which is hardly unusual for me as I've had a sleep disorder most of my life. Which developed first, the sleep disorder or the bipolar disorder? Or are they one in the same? Studies think so. I had an especially unpleasant sleep/wake cycle yesterday. I … Continue reading Wisdom is a vine that never stops growing
Oh, illness you are crushing me Death's door begs to open for me Brain I cannot handle Strangles my brain, scrambled Hurts, the pain rambles Voices, not my friends Where are my friends? I cannot hear anyone Nothing in my peripheral lens Cats meow and rub on my leg Don't want to stink and Bloat … Continue reading I write words to have a friend
I had suspected I was rapid-cycling bipolar type 2 (four mood episodes in a year), but after analyzing my mood charts from May and June, it looks more like ultra-rapid (four mood episodes in a month). This explains why it's been 2 years since I've worked, but it doesn't make me feel any less guilty … Continue reading Ultra-rapid cycling