Dear Carrie, Thank you for the long, relaxing bath by candlelight and music; I know your anxiety was feeling overwhelming tonight. You're so stressed after not working for 3 years, you doubt yourself and your natural initiative. Thank you for putting in the time and money to renew your Pharmacy Tech license. I know you … Continue reading Love letter to myself
In the funny way that life happens, I lapsed back onto alcohol the night of August 5th, just five days shy of my one year "soberversary." Misfires in our brain may cause misfires in our lives, but they need not be permanent. Seeing these misfires as opportunities for growth doesn't happen right away and sometimes … Continue reading Abandonment wounds and the recovery process
https://youtu.be/Mb6yDipWCL0 Originally published on September 27th, 2017 My latest (and, God-willing, last) sobriety date is 08/10/17. "There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest." - Pg 58 of Alcoholics Anonymous It took me an hour and a half to … Continue reading My Experience, Strength, and Hope in Alcoholics Anonymous
I haven't worked since May 2016. It is not the first time in my adult history that I have been so disabled for so long. When I was fired for absenteeism from my first job in 2008, I wasn't able to stabilize (and get lucky again) until 2011. From May 2011 to January 2015, I … Continue reading The limitations of Bipolar Disorder
Written in Summer 2017 I was born to write; it is my oldest passion and it remains my truest. A writer's greatest handicap is writer's block. I have drawn before but it does not cause me suffering to not draw. I have painted before but I don't have to paint to express myself. But writing. … Continue reading What bipolar depression sounds like
I am so sleepy tonight after having spent Thanksgiving under the influence of at least a milligram of Xanax. I had a lovely panic attack in the car the moment Nick and I pulled up to his aunt's house, where everyone else was waiting. It was more like an outburst because I was as frustrated … Continue reading November 26th, 2015
Life is so much more pleasant for me now. I was in so much pain and the way it negatively affected other people in no way helped the situation. The stress the untreated bipolar put my body through, I was constantly complaining and wondering why I had to feel so old when I was supposed … Continue reading Freedom
My name is Carrie and I'm an alcoholic. Or would "addict" be more appropriate? Because, while I haven't touched the sauce in five months, I remain vulnerable to life's everyday discomforts. Or of still inhabiting the same skin that drank to live . . . where I would have died to drink. The power has … Continue reading May 29th, 2015
Welcome to my blog. I have only recently come out from under a very long, very difficult depression. My story is sadly not that unique, as it is standard to take several years for a patient to be correctly diagnosed with bipolar disorder. The reason this is so unfortunate is because antidepressants and mood stabilizers … Continue reading A new diagnosis, a new life
