When I was 10, I was a Spice Girls fanatic (Geri especially). I was already on the Internet by now. I got into the school spelling bee but forgot the second "t" in otter. I'd always been reading a lot, and well. My brother and I played with the video camera a lot when we … Continue reading Significant times from my past
Sometimes it seems that no matter what I do or say it’s the wrong thing. I mean well, but I feel at times that I am judged unfairly. And feeling that I am just better off being alone
most of the time. I like some people but even the ones I love fall short when I need them. I talk too loud, I laugh too loud, I say more than I should but none of this is on purpose. I am who I am and I can’t change
that. Either accept me and quit criticizing me or just let me be to myself. I thought I had good relationships with my family but I think I am overstating that with a few of them. I can live with myself and I can take care
of myself. Asking for favors is no longer an option with one of my family members…
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I wanted to use these articles to help educate both myself and others about this distressing, unpredictable feature of bipolar disorder. It has come to my attention because of the unique state I've been experiencing lately. Sometimes I feel [hypo]manic, then I can be triggered into depression, but I can also experience what seems to … Continue reading Mixed affective state 🎭
Dear Carrie, Thank you for the long, relaxing bath by candlelight and music; I know your anxiety was feeling overwhelming tonight. You're so stressed after not working for 3 years, you doubt yourself and your natural initiative. Thank you for putting in the time and money to renew your Pharmacy Tech license. I know you … Continue reading Love letter to myself
More good inspiration via Hannah.
One of my favorite writers, April Green, wrote a short poem that really spoke to me.
And the moon looked down at her and said: ‘you are too full of everything that makes you whole to ever be loved in halves.’
I sent it to my friend, Sarah Snow, who is known for creating visually inspiring videos, each one with a resonating message. She was just as inspired, and we connected with April. Sarah, alongside artist Donna Adi, created a video with a profound message about what it’s like when the person you love doesn’t love you back.
The response to the video, with over 2 million views, clearly shows the number of people who can relate to this message, especially those of us living with a mental illness.
As confident as I may appear to many people, it is difficult to admit that I have always accepted…
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In the funny way that life happens, I lapsed back onto alcohol the night of August 5th, just five days shy of my one year "soberversary." Misfires in our brain may cause misfires in our lives, but they need not be permanent. Seeing these misfires as opportunities for growth doesn't happen right away and sometimes … Continue reading Abandonment wounds and the recovery process
(I wrote this when I was only 21) Released on August 20th, 1996, through Roadrunner Records, the self-produced October Rust by Type O Negative is without a doubt my favorite album of all-time. Although it has been reviewed hundreds of times over the past thirteen years, I felt an overwhelming desire to compose the most … Continue reading October Rust by Type O Negative 🥀🍂🍃
https://youtu.be/Mb6yDipWCL0 Originally published on September 27th, 2017 My latest (and, God-willing, last) sobriety date is 08/10/17. "There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest." - Pg 58 of Alcoholics Anonymous It took me an hour and a half to … Continue reading My Experience, Strength, and Hope in Alcoholics Anonymous
I haven't worked since May 2016. It is not the first time in my adult history that I have been so disabled for so long. When I was fired for absenteeism from my first job in 2008, I wasn't able to stabilize (and get lucky again) until 2011. From May 2011 to January 2015, I … Continue reading The limitations of Bipolar Disorder