Dear Carrie, Thank you for the long, relaxing bath by candlelight and music; I know your anxiety was feeling overwhelming tonight. You're so stressed after not working for 3 years, you doubt yourself and your natural initiative. Thank you for putting in the time and money to renew your Pharmacy Tech license. I know you … Continue reading Love letter to myself
More good inspiration via Hannah.
One of my favorite writers, April Green, wrote a short poem that really spoke to me.
And the moon looked down at her and said: ‘you are too full of everything that makes you whole to ever be loved in halves.’
I sent it to my friend, Sarah Snow, who is known for creating visually inspiring videos, each one with a resonating message. She was just as inspired, and we connected with April. Sarah, alongside artist Donna Adi, created a video with a profound message about what it’s like when the person you love doesn’t love you back.
The response to the video, with over 2 million views, clearly shows the number of people who can relate to this message, especially those of us living with a mental illness.
As confident as I may appear to many people, it is difficult to admit that I have always accepted…
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In the funny way that life happens, I lapsed back onto alcohol the night of August 5th, just five days shy of my one year "soberversary." Misfires in our brain may cause misfires in our lives, but they need not be permanent. Seeing these misfires as opportunities for growth doesn't happen right away and sometimes … Continue reading Abandonment wounds and the recovery process
(I wrote this when I was only 21) Released on August 20th, 1996, through Roadrunner Records, the self-produced October Rust by Type O Negative is without a doubt my favorite album of all-time. Although it has been reviewed hundreds of times over the past thirteen years, I felt an overwhelming desire to compose the most … Continue reading October Rust by Type O Negative 🥀🍂🍃
https://youtu.be/Mb6yDipWCL0 Originally published on September 27th, 2017 My latest (and, God-willing, last) sobriety date is 08/10/17. "There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest." - Pg 58 of Alcoholics Anonymous It took me an hour and a half to … Continue reading My Experience, Strength, and Hope in Alcoholics Anonymous
I haven't worked since May 2016. It is not the first time in my adult history that I have been so disabled for so long. When I was fired for absenteeism from my first job in 2008, I wasn't able to stabilize (and get lucky again) until 2011. From May 2011 to January 2015, I … Continue reading The limitations of Bipolar Disorder
Revisiting my journal entries from late 2015 re: my boyfriend at the time, whom I adored and praised routinely in my writings. I am sobbing like I always do when I think about him. I got no closure. It ended abruptly through a text message, after 3 years. His friends hated me for no reason … Continue reading If I have nothing else, I have my words
I'm a bookworm. A voracious reader. I wouldn't know how to write if I didn't read. Here are 12 books that have played the biggest role in helping me navigate my depression and subsequent existentialism. I highly recommend them and hope they will benefit someone's life, too. DEPRESSION AND FINDING MEANING The Noonday Demon: An … Continue reading 12 books that have helped my depression
It is quarter of 5 AM as I write this, which is hardly unusual for me as I've had a sleep disorder most of my life. Which developed first, the sleep disorder or the bipolar disorder? Or are they one in the same? Studies think so. I had an especially unpleasant sleep/wake cycle yesterday. I … Continue reading Wisdom is a vine that never stops growing