I'd like to preface this post by explaining that in the midst of a manic (or high) state, there is a marked increase in a flight of ideas. All the thoughts that come into your head seem so significant and there is an impulsive need to either share or document these ideas. Reflecting upon them … Continue reading Manic musings
I think I exhausted myself somehow painting at the class tonight, because I'm having a mood decline and there's not much I can do about it except try some Klonopin I've stocked up on. Bipolar Disorder just takes you wherever the f it wants to. My body aches. It's so intrusive. I think one of … Continue reading Dealing with a triggering world
When I was 10, I was a Spice Girls fanatic (Geri especially). I was already on the Internet by now. I got into the school spelling bee but forgot the second "t" in otter. I'd always been reading a lot, and well. My brother and I played with the video camera a lot when we … Continue reading Significant times from my past
Sometimes it seems that no matter what I do or say it’s the wrong thing. I mean well, but I feel at times that I am judged unfairly. And feeling that I am just better off being alone
most of the time. I like some people but even the ones I love fall short when I need them. I talk too loud, I laugh too loud, I say more than I should but none of this is on purpose. I am who I am and I can’t change
that. Either accept me and quit criticizing me or just let me be to myself. I thought I had good relationships with my family but I think I am overstating that with a few of them. I can live with myself and I can take care
of myself. Asking for favors is no longer an option with one of my family members…
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Some blog posts are planned far in advance while others spill from my mind and into my keyboard immediately for you to see. This one is spilling. This one is for the people who feel stuck. This one is for the people who understand depression.
Depression is real. Your pain is real. It is all valid. Please, listen to me: those nagging thoughts of worthlessness, don’t let them too far in. Your pain is valid, but those nagging thoughts aren’t true.
I know this all too well. I understand your pain. The self-doubt creeps in. The worthlessness creeps in. It can feel like the most real thing in the world. It can feel like the only real thing in the world.
All the pain can make us forget that hope is real. We forget. We get covered in all the bad. Sometimes the bad can smother us. It…
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August 2019 ⬇️ (stabilized) 225 lbs Lamictal 150 MG (twice daily) Trileptal 300 MG (twice daily) Effexor 225 MG Remeron 7.5 MG July 2019 ⬇️ (moderate depression) 220 lbs Lamictal 150 MG (twice daily) Trileptal 300 MG (twice daily) Effexor 225 MG Klonopin .50 MG (twice daily, PRN) Remeron 7.5 MG June 2019 ⬇️ (moderate … Continue reading Psych history (September 2014 to present)
Sensitivity is a gift. You’re not “too” sensitive. You are just enough sensitive.
Something that I feel has come up a lot over the last week or so, is this notion of being ‘too’ something. It was something that was mentioned in my writing on Tuesday and, unsurprisingly, something we discussed in therapy on Wednesday. Last weekend I found myself mentally compiling a list of everything I felt I was too…
- Too sensitive
- Too emotional
- Too caring
- Too tired
- Too disorganised
- Too big
- Too quiet
- Too open minded
I also felt that I do things too much, things like…
- Spending time mindlessly scrolling through Twitter or Instagram…
When you look at them in a list, when your logical brain
kicks in, it all seems rather ridiculous. How can any of us be too anything? We are who we are – I am a
sensitive, caring, disorganised and open-minded person who spends a lot…
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I wanted to use these articles to help educate both myself and others about this distressing, unpredictable feature of bipolar disorder. It has come to my attention because of the unique state I've been experiencing lately. Sometimes I feel [hypo]manic, then I can be triggered into depression, but I can also experience what seems to … Continue reading Mixed affective state 🎭
So, besides poetry, painting is my favorite artistic outlet. And, well, I decided I'd share some of my productions with you. I don't have very many paintings because I'm not always inspired, suicidally depressed, or restlessly manic. But boy do I feel in my element when I paint. You know, art has always meant so … Continue reading What do you see in these strokes? 🎨🖌️
So I'm manic right now and it feels like I'm a completely different person. I have bipolar disorder so that makes the intensity of the depression even more so like you realize just how depressed so many people are but they don't want to admit it? Anyway just wanted to document these words right now … Continue reading Manic manifesto