In the right head space, I have clarity, and with that clarity I have much more access to the authentic part of me, my spirit. You would never know, if you knew me in person, just how down on myself I am. But all of these parts of my essence I've compiled are completely true, … Continue reading Self love and self compassion
https://youtu.be/GGorABGw418 Quotes from the video from Teal Swan "You refuse to cut your losses." [Wow. This might be the best description of depression I've ever seen.] "Whatever you resist, persists." "You're committed to a dead end." "Why would I scream if there's no one near to hear me?" "Basically you're aware that these little things … Continue reading Futility and depression are synonymous
"Although it has taken years to be certain, because not all studies have shown the same results, there is now fairly good agreement that the frontal cortex (which is associated with decision-making and controlling impulsive behavior) shrinks in size when bipolar disorder is allowed to progress. This is basically the same result which has been … Continue reading The Biologic Basis of Bipolar Disorder
I'd like to preface this post by explaining that in the midst of a manic (or high) state, there is a marked increase in a flight of ideas. All the thoughts that come into your head seem so significant and there is an impulsive need to either share or document these ideas. Reflecting upon them … Continue reading Manic musings
I think I exhausted myself somehow painting at the class tonight, because I'm having a mood decline and there's not much I can do about it except try some Klonopin I've stocked up on. Bipolar Disorder just takes you wherever the f it wants to. My body aches. It's so intrusive. I think one of … Continue reading Dealing with a triggering world
When I was 10, I was a Spice Girls fanatic (Geri especially). I was already on the Internet by now. I got into the school spelling bee but forgot the second "t" in otter. I'd always been reading a lot, and well. My brother and I played with the video camera a lot when we … Continue reading Significant times from my past
Sometimes it seems that no matter what I do or say it’s the wrong thing. I mean well, but I feel at times that I am judged unfairly. And feeling that I am just better off being alone
most of the time. I like some people but even the ones I love fall short when I need them. I talk too loud, I laugh too loud, I say more than I should but none of this is on purpose. I am who I am and I can’t change
that. Either accept me and quit criticizing me or just let me be to myself. I thought I had good relationships with my family but I think I am overstating that with a few of them. I can live with myself and I can take care
of myself. Asking for favors is no longer an option with one of my family members…
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Some blog posts are planned far in advance while others spill from my mind and into my keyboard immediately for you to see. This one is spilling. This one is for the people who feel stuck. This one is for the people who understand depression.
Depression is real. Your pain is real. It is all valid. Please, listen to me: those nagging thoughts of worthlessness, don’t let them too far in. Your pain is valid, but those nagging thoughts aren’t true.
I know this all too well. I understand your pain. The self-doubt creeps in. The worthlessness creeps in. It can feel like the most real thing in the world. It can feel like the only real thing in the world.
All the pain can make us forget that hope is real. We forget. We get covered in all the bad. Sometimes the bad can smother us. It…
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Sensitivity is a gift. You’re not “too” sensitive. You are just enough sensitive.
Something that I feel has come up a lot over the last week or so, is this notion of being ‘too’ something. It was something that was mentioned in my writing on Tuesday and, unsurprisingly, something we discussed in therapy on Wednesday. Last weekend I found myself mentally compiling a list of everything I felt I was too…
- Too sensitive
- Too emotional
- Too caring
- Too tired
- Too disorganised
- Too big
- Too quiet
- Too open minded
I also felt that I do things too much, things like…
- Spending time mindlessly scrolling through Twitter or Instagram…
When you look at them in a list, when your logical brain
kicks in, it all seems rather ridiculous. How can any of us be too anything? We are who we are – I am a
sensitive, caring, disorganised and open-minded person who spends a lot…
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APRIL 13TH Saturday is ruled by the god of Saturn. I was born on a Saturday and I was born under the planet of Saturn. I am Saturnine. And he's a really tough dad. Making others feel good makes me feel good. My friends are used to the fact that I'm a cry baby. Good … Continue reading Deep thoughts by Carrie