Impulse control

Man, I don’t feel good (physically speaking). I’ve been trying for a week now to regulate my sleep but it hasn’t been working. I stopped using Trazodone because I end up oversleeping or waking up drowsy, anyway. And although melatonin works to fall asleep, I’ve been waiting to take it way too late.

It’s definitely not an overnight fix when you’ve been staying up so obscenely late for so many years. From what I’ve read, you have to work at it in increments, like going to sleep a half an hour earlier, then an hour, then an hour and a half, etc.

For better or worse, since I’ve lost any of the manic energy I once had, my stamina when I get out of the house does not last long at all. I am making better choices when it comes to spending money but all I could manage this afternoon was some lunch at the local deli and a stop in Walgreens to pick up my birth control.

Before the mood stabilizer, I would have high-tailed on over to TJ Maxx and scoped the entire store. It’s better financially but until my sleep gets better, I still feel like crap. To be clear, it’s not the medicine’s fault; it doesn’t sedate me. Or at least I don’t think it does. I’m just not getting restorative sleep yet.

I got these caffeine pills to hang on to in an emergency, though, because coffee kind of turns my stomach. I have 2 interviews coming up soon that I need to look and feel right for. Maybe it was some subtle manic and/or depressive energy preventing me from getting those calls back through the years. Who knows.

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