Not too high, not too low

It’s May now and it’s Mental Health Awareness Month. How fitting, even though I try to ensure it’s all year long.

From what I’ve observed on social media, everyone is afflicted with their own form of bipolar disorder and, naturally, they’re all at different points in their journey, much like addicts and alcoholics in recovery.

I stay patient and compassionate with them, though I have no problem sharing what I know first-hand did and did not work for me, such as the obvious self-medicating with alcohol, shopping, and sex.

Also, since I’m sober and stable enough to take my treatment seriously now, I will not introduce anything, even supplements, without first notifying my psychiatrist. I do not want to confuse my treatment, especially since I will need to have my blood levels monitored with the Tegretol.

I am honestly impressed with the control it’s given me over impulsivity. I can no longer justify certain prices for items while out shopping. I did buy some semi- permanent hair dye today, a dark midnight blue at that.

I’ve never dyed my hair an unnatural color before so that should be interesting. Slightly impulsive of me seeing as I just started applying for work again! But I can wash it out or dye over it.

Getting my sleep regulated is tough. I still stay up way too late. I try to get out during the day but my endurance is not so good. I was very tired after 4 hours running errands. But at least I got done what was necessary, and that’s all that matters.

Physically, I’ve been having some indigestion this evening so I’m not feeling so good, but I took some antacids.

I still have plenty of liquid kratom left from when my back was killing me and I haven’t even thought about it. I really must have my mood so stabilized I don’t even feel the need to alter it.

I feel good, too, because I can be there for those that can’t be there for themselves right now. Whether depressed or manic, I can, at least for today, help from an objective point of view.

Until I write again, polar bears… ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

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