December 9th, 2015

. . . I haven’t called out of work in several months because I am not scheduled very much to begin with. I had only today’s shift this week before I covered my friend, Rosalie’s, yesterday. So I called (or texted) out of today’s.

I can’t explain depression when it comes to not feeling well enough to even get in the shower for work. It’s almost like it even hurts my brain physically, too, to suffer such mental pain.

I just want to cry but sometimes there are no tears; just grimacing, anguish, confusion, ambivalence. It sucks all the willpower out of me. It’s just very somatic; my tummy will ache, my head will hurt, and the fatigue . . .

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