Freedom

Life is so much more pleasant for me now. I was in so much pain and the way it negatively affected other people in no way helped the situation. The stress the untreated bipolar put my body through, I was constantly complaining and wondering why I had to feel so old when I was supposed to be so young. Others telling me I shouldn’t be feeling the way I did in no way made me feel any better.

I wasn’t able to listen to my body and know when it was full. I wasn’t able to do much of anything without aching and taking forever to recover. I got attached to men that were so not worth my tears. I offended people just by opening my mouth. My anxiety gave other people anxiety.

I don’t have to ruminate anymore. I don’t have to do this or that right now or tonight anymore. I have my freedom back. A freedom I haven’t tasted in so many years. I don’t have to self-medicate with food or drugs or alcohol or shopping or sex. I was only an addict because I was sick. You can’t read or pray away an illness. I know this now.

I am mindful today. I am mindful of today. And today is all I can ask for.

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