July 18th, 2014

I feel so emotionally unstable right now and have been for the past hour. It just all of a sudden hit me and I could barely leave the hotel from constantly fixing myself and reapplying tanner to my face, roughly I might add. My tears feel so close to the surface and I have been constipated all day, to the point where I have felt sick to my stomach. My protruding stomach makes me feel so insecure if I pay enough attention to it. I just want to feel calm and serene and there is no reason why I need to be frantic but I feel so out of control of myself. I just wish I could feel more stable more often. I am afraid others think there are too many moods to me. I can’t expect anyone to know what to expect from me. I stigmatize myself. I just want to relax.

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